I really thought I was done writing about “social media.” I’ve been bored with it for a long time, over saturated, jaded, stick-a-fork-in-me done. Yet recently I had a conversation with a new online friend of mine that reminded me of one big reason why.  (And in my usual ironic fashion, I thought I’d write about why I’m done with writing about it. However, consider this the last post before a big shift.)

Anyway, back to my friend. Like the friends I’ve been making online since the days of IRC, she and I bonded over our mutual love of music. Only we met via Twitter, not IRC or a BBS. She’s not one of of the myriad marketing/PR/”social media” people on Twitter, nor does she have any more than 200 followers, and you know what? That’s OK. Neither the tool, nor the perceived online “klout” matters as much as what was the glue that brought us together, which was music.

I really enjoyed conversing with her for a few weeks, so I invited her to befriend me on Facebook. Her reply (strung together from a couple DMs) went something like this:

Thanks. I’ll keep it in mind if I decide to add more pals to my Facebook acct. Right now I only follow my kids. I’ve ranted against Facebook for a long time. Now that I’m on it, I’m afraid if I befriend one person over another, someone will get pissed.

I told her not to worry about what the social media pundits/gurus/ninjas/unicorn jockeys say, and to just use social media however it works best for her. She said to me, “Oh, it’s not just them, it’s how I’ve seen the people around me use Facebook. I have no desire to be bombarded by baby pictures!”

We all have our different policies on whom we befriend on the world’s largest social network and why (or why not), but I thought I’d reach out, because, well … I dig her. She did accept my friend request, which I appreciated, but would totally understand had she decided not to.

Though this particular situation is about personal use of Facebook, the implications of her comments are much farther-reaching and apply just as well to the business aspect. . . both of which drive me batshit crazy.

Echo chamber or baloney machine?

This is wrong on so many levels.

Every day, the social media pundits in the blogosphere churn out an immeasurable barrage of “best practices” posts, and at any given time, there is a conference, seminar, webinar, or tweetup going on all about the “right way” to do things on the social web vs. the “wrong way,” yada yada yada.

Scroll through your RSS reader or click any random link in Twitter and chances are you’ll see headlines like “10 Social Media Best Practices for ___” and “5 Reasons Not To Do ___ on [insert social tool du jour here].”  Not only does it get tiring to hear after a while, once you’ve worked with enough companies and individual clients on your own, your bullshit  baloney meter gets as finely-tuned as your patience for hearing it grows thin.

The average person on the web and the average client, whether they’re a small business, a big corporation, or just the lady down the street who enjoys tweeting during NBC’s The Voice  is so bombarded with all these messages, it’s no wonder that they feel pressure to do things the way it’s allegedly “supposed to be” done.

I’ve encountered people who were very frustrated and distraught because they’ve spent money on conferences, webinars, and books all about how they can make social media work for their business, yet they’re not seeing any significant difference in revenue. They’ve followed all the “steps” and did everything all the usual case studies did, but they’re throwing in the towel and saying it’s a waste of time and money.

The fact is, you can follow all the advice from all those sources as much as you want, but if you forget who you are and what your needs are, it’s probably not going to work out for you. Nothing is cookie-cutter, social media doesn’t come in a box, and if you try to follow instructions like that, you’re only going to end up half-baked.  (Pun unintended.)

But… what about the case studies?

Case studies are great, and it’s important to discuss what’s working and what’s not. It’s great to see examples of how companies used certain tools to work to their advantage. But only Zappos is Zappos, only Comcast is Comcast, and only Company X is Company X. You can learn from their trials and tribulations, you can employ their tactics, but what it all comes down to is what works best for you. Everything is subjective. 

Case studies stand out because the company in the study was willing to experiment. The companies (and people) were willing to stick their neck out and try stuff. But for every “best practice” being preached on and about the social web, there is someone doing the exact opposite and it’s working out just fine. (If not a case study such as, “How Company Y Did It Wrong and Got It All Right.”)

Social media is a bunch of tools.

Uh... huh... huh ... she said "tools."

Let’s ignore the double-entendre there for a second and admit that tools are things that exist in order to carry out a particular function.

The other day I saw a tweet that said something like, “I should be able to tell what you do from briefly looking at your twitter profile.” I don’t remember the particular tool who said it (see what I did there?), but to them I say:

Says who?

Who is anybody to say how anybody else should use a tool? My goals for using a certain tool are different from others’ goals. Pardon me for putting my own goals in front of someone else’s expectations of how I “should” act on the social web. Frankly, I don’t care about advertising on Twitter what I “do,” I just want to have fun. So what’s with the self-righteousness?

If you know the history, it was by its users’ ingenuity and NOT using Twitter how it was originally intended that made it grow to what it is today.  Same goes for duct tape. When was the last time you used duct tape on a heat duct? There’s more than one way to use a certain tool, and hell, there’s more than one way to eat a Reese’s.  The examples are infinite.

It’s no secret that I am one of the many people on Twitter who HATE automatic direct messages (“auto dms”). In fact, I despise them so much that I put right on my background “I auto-unfollow all auto-dms.” I think they’re extremely annoying. But a lot of people and companies still auto-dm, and it appears that they’re doing just fine on Twitter. So if it works for them, who am I to tell them not to do it?

I just know that personally, it annoys the crap out of me, so I choose not to follow people who do that. It’s my choice. It doesn’t matter how allegedly “wrong” or “right” something may be, if it works for you, that’s what matters, right?

This may be oversimplifying, if not downright insulting to the social media strategist/consultant/guru/ninja/unicorn jockey who pours all their sweat and elbow grease into blogging and advising people on what to do or what not to do, but if you run all of that echo-chamber “advice” through a metaphorical colander, it all boils down to a very common cliché:

Different strokes for different folks.

Yup, I went there.

So people, please — stop wasting your time and breath on how you think things should be done, or worrying about what other people did, and start concentrating on what works best for you. It’s great to know what worked best for others, and yes, sometimes you’ll get some great ideas, but “doin’ it wrong” for one is oftentimes “doin’ it right” for another.

Note that I’m not saying people who have NO frickin’ clue  shouldn’t seek guidance — there are plenty of seasoned professionals in the field of communications who are well-versed in navigating the digital waters and can help out those who aren’t as comfortable. People who already have experience in trying different things, are familiar with the ever-changing landscape of tools, and may be able to shed some light on possibilities and help shape a strategy.

But figure out what’s best for you. You as a person, you as a business, whatever. Stick your neck out. Experiment. Know who you are, what your goals are, what’s important to you, and especially what’s not important to you. Once you figure that out, you’ll be a lot further along than most. The internet is just an extension of life — everything is trial and error.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go out and buy some duct tape, some Reese’s peanut butter cups, and somehow get that disturbing smiling bologna image out of my mind.