Just when I think it’s safe to play #FollowFriday again.

It’s no secret that I hate the Twitter meme of #FollowFriday. I wrote a rant post back in March about why I’m not playing anymore, and I’ve stood by that pretty adamantly. Ari Herzog, who wrote a recent post about the meme, shares the same sentiment as I do, which is,

I recommend Twitter users every day–when retweeting their thoughts or web links, when thanking them for prior advice, or when singling out unique people.

I thought that the madness of the random, meaningless, lists of people to #FollowFriday (or #FF) recommend had ended since I wrote that post in March. I thought that things had calmed down.

So last Friday I dipped my toe back into the Follow Friday meme and posted a #FF recommendation and gave reason as to WHY people should follow that person, as one should. So far, so good.

Today I tweeted that I lost half a cookie in my morning coffee, in melodramatic distraught. Next thing I know, Cookie Monster is following me on Twitter. The Official Cookie Monster (not to be confused with all those Cookie Monster impostors out there, mind you). I felt rather honored that such Muppet royalty would follow me, so I recommended him for #FollowFriday. After all, his Twitter account is hilarious … assuming that’s the real Official Cookie Monster and not some paid personal Muppet assistant.

I was away from my computer the majority of the day. I came back and checked my notifications to find the usual handful of random people following me that I had never heard of. I always check out each individual person that follows me to 1) make sure they’re not a bot, and 2) see if they’re anybody I find interesting enough to follow in the 3 second glance I take at their profile.

One such profile was this, and I took sympathy on the woman to attempt to protect her identity and those of the people in her background:

Pardon my french, but…

WHAT THE HELL?!?!

Tweeple: Pwease stop tawking wike Tweety Bird

Since the advent of Twitter, and especially the ever-increasing popularity of its API, there has been an explosion of third-party applications using “tw-” as a prefix. We can list ourselves and find people by profession on  Twellow, measure somebody’s Twinfluence, watch and tweet Twiddeos, and if we have OS X, tweet from our dashboard via Twidget. The list of apps is practically infinite.

Of course, just as naturally, I suppose, has our lexicon increasingly been speckled with the “tw-” prefixed words, referring to anything Twitter-related. We have “tweetups,” refer to each other as “tweeple” or “tweeps,” the world of Twitter is known as the “Twitterverse,” and if we accidentally send a direct message to the public it’s a “twoops.”

There is no shortage of Twitter glossaries out there, but seriously, I think we’ve gone a little too far. The following is not something I am unlikely to hear in real life:

I went to a tweetup to meet my tweeple and got caught in twaffic, but once I got there it was twitterific!  What tweethearts they are! As we were enjoying twitteritas, one twude twinterjected and made a twitfessional that he needed a twatcation because his wife twinks he’s a twitaholic. We said that was twitdiculous!

Seriously?!

Look, folks – I understand the enthusiasm for Twitter. It’s wonderful. I’m practically married to it. But, please, please, PUH-LEASE–

STOP TALKING LIKE TWEETY BIRD!

It’s not cute, it’s not funny, it’s not even coherent most of the time. I don’t mean to be a “mean ol’ puddy tat” here, but every time I hear an adult confound the English language with such absurd Tweety Bird talk, I don’t want to follow them on Twitter — I want to put a helmet on them, give them some crayons, and take their cell phone away.

Is this just my exaggerated imagination, or are you hearing it, too?

Finding comfort in transparency

Last week I had a family emergency, and I tweeted it. To my recollection, I don’t remember having ever tweeted anything so. . . heavy like that. I think it’s safe to say that most people, as much as they preach about transparency in social media, probably would not have done that.

I did hesitate — briefly. But I chose to do it for a few reasons:

1. Some of my close “real life” friends are on Twitter, including my BFF Kelly (please tell her to change her username so she doesn’t look like a bot), whose parents are good friends with my parents, and the message would be relayed to the appropriate people.
2. For my own records.
3. I’m a social media transparency purist.
4. I’m also a Twitter addict. (I know, the first part is admitting it.)

Little did I expect to be flooded with 60+ @replies on Twitter when I signed back in that evening. I received multiple direct messages on my phone during the day from many people whom I had never met, and of course, text messages on my phone from those “real life” friends who have my number and knew it’d be OK.

All of these messages were supportive, and many people were praying/sending good vibes, hugs, etc. What I found most interesting, from an observer’s standpoint, is that many people insisted that I keep updating about the situation.

I want to thank everybody who @replied, texted, or direct messaged me throughout all this. Your thoughts, prayers, hugs, well wishes, etc. are much appreciated.

Mom came home on Friday, and the only thing the doctors  can figure out is that the extreme dizziness must’ve been dehydration combined with the wrong dosage of blood pressure medication. Luckily that’s all they can figure out — it could’ve been much worse.

In retrospect, I learned something from this experience, and that is this:

With all of its recent commercialization and mainstream exploitation, the merit of Twitter is still not lost.

In little blurts of 140 characters or less, people all over the world are relating to one another, showing their humanity and sending their support — in other words, people give a damn. Perhaps 140 characters isn’t a limit at all . . . maybe it’s a blessing.

Have you been surprised/overwhelmed at the outcome of support you’ve received on Twitter for anything? Have you tweeted about a personal/family situation that others might not have? What was it like?

Photo by Guanatos Gwyn.

The Tweetoprahcalypse is here.

Not long ago I Tweeted and commented on a few blogs something along the sentiment of, “I wish mainstream media would STFU and get over their Twitter orgies already and just accept it as a way we communicate now.”

Because seriously, while I think it’s very useful for things like breaking news, Twitter ITSELF is not breaking news, but don’t tell CNN, FOX, ABC, Ellen DeGeneres, et. al.

Fellow Michigan-Tweeter Ryan Meray, replied and pointed me toward the social media blog over at Amplify, where I learned two things:

1. the end is nowhere near, and
2. The End really is near.

Oh, doublespeak, I love you so.

The Tweetpocalypse is coming, and it’s coming Friday, April 17, 2009:

Oprah is doing a show dedicated Twitter. . . with Ashton Kutcher.

From the blogs at New York Times:

The woman who can single-handedly send a new product or book flying off the shelves has just joined Twitter. She has not yet written a tweet, but more than 30,000 followers have already signed up to follow her every 140-character thought, and the number is growing. Rumor has it she will write her first tweet on Friday, when she is dedicating her show to Twitter. (It airs at 4 p.m. Eastern time — check your local listings here for details on viewing the show in your area.)

Ashton Kutcher will be on the show, according to Oprah’s Web site. He is one of Twitter’s most active celebrity twitterers and will most likely talk about his race with CNN to be the first to get a million followers.

Jimmy asks on Amplify what all this might mean. Has Twitter officially jumped the shark? “Tipped” as Malcolm Gladwell would say?

Among some banter back and forth between @RyanMeray and myself, it was decided that tomorrow is officially the TWEETOPRAHCALYPSE.

As I commented at Amplify,

I really admire and respect the Golden Touch of Oprah, but this time I’m afraid. I was a very early adopter, and am one in general, as I signed up for Twitter in April of 2007. The fact that Oprah’s coming is now. . . not only frightening, but starting to steer me away from it all together.

Is Twitter officially getting Punk’d? Or is Ashton Kutcher getting Punk’d by Twitter? Will the Oprah Touch cause the Fail Whale to emerge like the Cracken? Is this the end of the internets as we know it? What will happen?

Oh deer! Another use for Twitter!

On my way home from a baseball game the other night I hit a deer. I am no stranger to roadkill, as this was (only?) my fourth car-deer collision and in the past I’ve hit all sorts of interesting things — not because I go out of my way to hit them (everyone knows I love all things cute and fuzzy) but because I’m convinced there are a lot of suicidal animals. Once I even ran over something in Mississippi I was convinced was an alien but found out upon examining it and getting a slap upside the head from my Southern-transplant friend Carrie that it was actually an armadillo.

I did a bit of research, and according to the Michigan Traffic Crash Facts website,

Michigan had 61,907 reported motor vehicle-deer crashes during 2007. 1,614 people were injured and 11 people were killed as a result of those collisions. . . Motor vehicle-deer crashes occurred most often in Michigan’s southern, heavily populated counties. . .

Wow. I was suprised to find out that Michigan is #2 behind Pennsylvania as the worst state for car-deer accidents. (I thought we were #1 . . . I’ll have to work on that.)

Aaaaaanyway . . . I’m OK, there was cosmetic damage to my car and a broken blinker, but it’s drivable (thanks for asking). The area that I was in, however, was rather remote and there’s no cell phone service so I couldn’t call and report the deer (who hobbled away, anyway — I was only going 30-35 mph) but for some reason I could text.

Then I thought to myself, “What a great use for Twitter — reporting roadkill!”

Upon poking around the internets the next night, imagine my surprise to find that the Michigan DNR has a Twitter account.

If only I had known.

I totally could have seen myself pulling over, opening up my cell phone, and texting “@MDNR hey I’m on ___ Road somewhere btwn Lansing & Linden & hit a deer. I’m OK, car’s OK, deer hobbled away, might wanna keep your eye out.”

I know that we’re finding all sorts of interesting uses for this service, including police departments and fire departments keeping the public informed, so I don’t see why not.

Now I’m wondering — have you ever found yourself in a situation where you thought, “Boy, I really could use Twitter for this . . .” ? What was it? Please, share with the rest of the class.

Bluejay pic by Kimberly Robyn. . . all the pics I found of deer roadkill were way too gross to include here.

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